My 1st birth experience compared to my second was the difference between day and night.
Very simply put, I was going to grab the bull by its horns this time around. My first baby was a disaster. By Gods’ grace it was a smooth delivery but I had no clue what to expect and that alone made everything go wrong.
First of all no one can describe the pain you are about to experience. I would imagine that it is that of a bus running over you and reversing back over your body one more time just incase you didn’t feel the pain bad enough. My plan was a natural delivery with no pain medication. I begged for an epidural when I started wailing and trembling as her head was descending, but it was too late. It’s excruciating but somehow you will pull through.
Let’s rewind a little bit. I received my first induction gel at around 10pm and nothing really happened. My second induction gel at 2am is when it really hit me bad. It began with cramps then I started trembling from cold. Out of no where I felt as though I was in Alaska and my teeth were grinding. I was told later that that’s your body in shock. No one told me that checking for dilation meant a midwife inserting her entire hand into my vagina all the way to my cervix while I was in excruciating pain. No one told me that my water would break and have a tint of blood in it. Eeer in the movies it’s clear like spring water. So yeah I panicked at that misguided vision. And oh when your vagina rips they have to sew it back up! That’s not fun even though you have a local anesthesia down there.
Ok so after the second gel insertion she came out after 5 hours of pain with the most excruciating one being at the latter part when the contractions are a minute apart and her head is crowning. By 6cm dilation I told the nurse I had to push now! She almost didn’t believe me and said don’t push! But that feeling is like holding your breath, eventually you will breath. No one has to tell you when to push when the contraction comes and it’s time to push. The ring of fire! That’s when her breaks through the cervix for the first time. I remember trembling and looking into my husband’s eyes like “I’m dying”. I was convinced I was going to die if I felt anything like that again. Jesus!!!
As aggressive as I am by nature, I pushed her out in four pushes. It was no wonder I ripped. Everything happened so fast that the midwives weren’t able to cut my vagina to prevent me from ripping. In fact I almost didn’t make it to the delivery room. Then to top it all off she came out with the cord around her neck! I remember the midwife asking me to stop pushing while she gently removed the cord from her neck and then finally pulled her out.
When they brought her back to me I held her. I felt so disconnected. I thought hmm so this is you? Hi? And I know it would have been cute to hold on to her like every mother does but I was still getting stitches down there and I wasn’t ready. So I passed her back to hubby and focused on being stitches, which for some reason hurt still! But At least all my mind blowing birthing cramps were gone. Gosh I remember being so upset. I felt abused, opened, cut, sewn, just everything exposed. I came out of the delivery room unhappy. Geez why was I feeling like this I asked myself. I knew my baby was mine and I was super protective of her but that bond I expected to have that everyone talks about “oh I fell in love with her the moment I met her” wasn’t there. Hmm. She looked so strange. They always look so strange when they come out. 30 minutes later I put her to breast and that was the beginning of our love journey.
So there you have it. My 1st birthing experience. It wasn’t what I expected. I wasn’t happy going through it and I remember thinking I can’t do this again. The most painful was the baby’s head coming through the cervix (ring of fire), the most embarrassing was farting in front of my guests due to lack of butt hole control from my stitches. I’m not mentioning being completely naked in front of the midwives and screaming my head off on the delivery table because at that point nothing is embarrassing. The most humbling is the process of childbirth. I knew God was real! I never felt closer to God and yearned to be even closer after this experience. God is awesome!
Watch out for my postpartum experience!